


i know we weren't perfect but i've never felt this way for no one

by dogsbreath



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Seaborn For President, Secret Relationship, Sharing a Bed, Sleepy Cuddles, lol sam is president here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:21:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28717221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogsbreath/pseuds/dogsbreath
Summary: it started with an argument about work. because they're always arguing about work, lately.
Relationships: Josh Lyman & Sam Seaborn, Josh Lyman/Sam Seaborn
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	i know we weren't perfect but i've never felt this way for no one

Sam looked like shit, and that’s really the only way josh could describe it. His normally perfectly styled hair messed up because he’d run his fingers through it one too many times. The black bags under his eyes looked heavy enough that they’d probably weigh him to the spot if they could. Josh’s heart broke, seeing him so tired. It’s been weeks since he’d gone to bed the same time as Sam, the man always crawling into bed at ungodly hours of the morning, burying his face into the crook of Josh’s neck.

Josh knocked on the door to his office with his index finger, “Can I come in?” 

Sam looked up from his desk, and nodded, rubbing his eyes from underneath his glasses, “Please.”

Josh walked over to him, sitting on the desk to Sam’s right. “No one else has the guts to say this to you but I do: You look like shit, man.” 

Sam laughed quietly, shaking his head. “No one else will say it because they don’t want to lose their job.” 

Josh shrugged, nodding. Sam leaned back in his chair, taking off his glasses and facing Josh, smiling at the way he was smiling, the unashamed, toothy grin he had when he was around people he loved. Josh’s smile fell, though, and he sat a little straighter. 

“You ever think about taking a break--?” 

“Oh, not this again, Josh.”

“You’re working yourself to exhaustion, sam!”

“I’m the president, I can’t take a break from running the country--!”

“No, but you could at least take a few hours to sleep, Sam. You haven’t slept for more than three hours at a time since you got elected.”

“Stop… Just.. stop telling me how to do my job.”

“I’m not telling you how to do your job! I’m telling you to take a break. It’s not a big thing to ask you to take care of yourself.”

“Josh--”

“For me? Please?” Josh asked quietly, looking at him with big eyes. 

“I don’t need you to tell me what to do, Josh. I can take care of myself.”

Josh laughed, cold and bitter, nodding. “Yeah, I’m sure you do. I mean it’s not like I’ve been the one to drag you from your books, or your desk, since college or anything.”

“No, you know what your problem is, Josh? Why you feel like you have to hover and ‘protect’ me from myself?” Sam asked, standing up. 

Josh stood, standing toe to toe with the angry president. His eyes narrowed and his jaw clenched, as he stared Sam directly in the eye, silently begging him not to continue what Josh knew he was going to say. 

“You’re too afraid of losing the people you love that you become overprotective. I don’t need you to tell me when I do and don’t need a break.” Sam said, poking Josh in the chest. “Just back off, for fuck’s sake.”

Josh took a step back, feeling as though Sam had just slapped him. His throat constricted, and he blinked at him, feeling as though he’d just been stripped bare and thrown into a sea of people.

Meanwhile, Sam’s face fell, and he reached a hand out for Josh. “Josh.. I’m sorry.. I didn’t--”

“You still said it.”

Josh backed up, blinking through the tears forming in his eyes. Sam circled his desk, trying to catch up to him. “Josh, wait!” 

“You said back off, I’m backing off, Sam. Do what you want, i don’t care anymore.”

“Josh…” 

Josh left and the door shutting behind him made Sam sick. The look on Josh’s face, the hurt that shone in his eyes, and the knowledge that it was him who put it there made his stomach churn violently. 

“Fuck,” he whispered, falling into the chair to his right. He ran his hands through his hair, sighing deeply. His chest tightened and blinked, a tear falling from his face. 

“What have I done?” he asked himself, taking a choppy breath.

* * *

Sam looks worse, if that was somehow possible, after their fight. He stops styling his hair at all, which makes it seem as though a bird had nested on top of his hair. He snaps at interns and employees and senators, doesn’t leave his office until he absolutely has to, even goes as far as sleeping on the couch becuase Josh had actually started to use the room Sam had given him instead of sleeping in their bed, which felt empty without him. 

Josh acquired his own set of bags under his eyes, dark enough to rival Sam’s. He was quiet, toned down five octaves when he spoke. Didn’t speak unless spoken to. That alone was enough for people to wonder if something had happened. He stays in his office and wonders if Sam was right, even though a part of him, the twenty-year-old who met his roommate and they just _clicked_ in a way he’d never clicked with anyone else, knows Sam didn’t mean it, knows Sam would never mean it. But that doesn’t make it any easier to banish the thoughts. 

It’s two weeks later; two weeks of people being unable to look at Sam without getting a snippy response, two weeks of josh’s silence speaking volumes as to just how upset he was, when Sam was woken up by someone climbing into bed next to him. 

He jumped, head rising from the pillow as he turned to face the intruder. He relaxed when he saw Josh, with his bed head and tired eyes, kneeling on the bed, as if expecting Sam to turn him away. Sam pulled the blanket back and laid back down. 

Josh got settled, hesitating before wrapping his arm around Sam’s middle. His head sunk into his pillow and he let out a sigh of relief as the stress of the last two weeks seeped out of him. He pressed his chest flush against Sam’s back and pressed a soft, barely-there kiss to his neck. He hadn’t been able to sleep properly since they’d fought.

Sam licked his lip, “Josh?” 

“We’re okay,” Josh whispered, sleepy and comfortable, kissing his neck again to prove it to him. Sam sighed in relief. 

“Josh?” he tried again. Josh sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to be getting any rest until Sam got whatever he wanted to say off his chest. “Yeah, babe?” 

Sam twisted, turning to face Josh. Josh’s hand rested at its place on his waist, and Sam took a deep breath, eyes roaming Josh’s face. It was here in the dark, in the silence of Josh waiting for him to speak, that Sam takes him in, notices every wrinkle and laugh line, the tenderness in his eyes. His hair is a mess, and he’s got sleep in the corner of his eye but he’s still the most beautiful person Sam had ever laid eyes on, the only person Sam can picture spending the rest of his life with, the only person Sam had ever loved with everything he had in him. 

His breath catches as Josh blinks at him, waiting patiently. Sam moves closer, closing even more of the little space between them. He brings a hand up to cup his face. He leans forward, hesitating as he leans over him, before pressing his lips softly to Josh’s. Josh pulls him closer, legs entangling with Sam’s as he kisses him back. 

Sam pulls away first, the pad of his thumb swiping back and forth across his cheekbone. Josh relaxes, eyes still shut as he leans into Sam’s touch. 

“I love you,” Sam whispers, looking him over, memorizing every inch of skin on his face. 

Josh’s eyes open, and he freezes, watching Sam carefully like he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing, if it was real or just a figment of his imagination. 

“Sam…” he murmurs. Sam smiles softly at him, shaking his head. 

“You don’t have to say anything if you’re not ready--”  
Josh leans forward cutting him off with a kiss, putting everything he’d ever thought, felt, _loved_ about him into it. He pushed Sam onto his back, leaning over him. Sam’s hand moves from his face as his arm encircles his neck, pulling him closer (could they even get any closer?).

He pulls away, and Sam heaves a breath, smiling up at him with all the tenderness in the world. And if you were to ask him to pick between anyone in the world and Sam Seaborn, Josh could choose him without a second thought, without regret, without any hesitation. He would choose Sam every time. 

Josh smiled at him, gently kissing the side of Sam’s mouth. 

“Sam Seaborn,” he said softly, looking at him, taking him in and memorizing every indent, curve, and valley on the man’s face as if it was the last time he’d ever see it, ever be able to touch it, “I love you.”

Sam grins, beams in a way he only does when he’s looking at Josh, wondering how he was so lucky to be able to have someone like Josh in his life, to be able to hold him and kiss him and call him his.

**Author's Note:**

> me posting a samjosh fic bc sarah loves them even though ive never seen an episode of the west wing??? more likely than you think.
> 
> n e ways follow me on twt @SAMLYMANS


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